Luhansk diary. "I heard about atrocities of the Ukrainian army and I'm afraid that they will enter the city"

A weird-weird-weird day. Perhaps some magnetic storms or atmospheric front, otherwise I cannot explain occurring anomalies. I was given a contact number of a girl, who arranges payment for children in Ukraine. Her  "colleagues", specializing in pensions, gave the number. Recommendations can be trusted. A young lady picks up the phone every other time, very often just does not pick up and does not call back. I send SMS. I’ll get to know the necessary set of documents and the price is 2000 UAH. Now we have all the services of this kind from 2000 UAH. We appoint to meet in two weeks at the beginning of October, because I was late for that tranche. I wait for two weeks. I call the day before the scheduled date and get to know that I'm late again, there are 200 people waiting, it’s very much and I am not among the lucky. Now, I have to wait for three weeks. I painfully wait for three week and understand that the service price during this time can increase dramatically. There is no other option, so I just wait.

We message each other to fix where and when to meet. Place is quite dubious, near the exchanger on the market. But I haven’t got choice and recommendations play an important role. I remember the old Russian film "The venue cannot be changed": "Well, hello, I am Anna"...

I am late for the meeting, as we agreed in the messages. No one. I called. My agent forgot that we were to meet later and had already left. I am ready to go to any destination X to give finally the documents and money. No, she asks to bring everything to a nearby shopping center and leave to the dark-haired young lady in the tan studio. No names. The young lady takes my file and immediately washes her hands away: "I am not going to look at anything, I am not going to count money. I’ll just give it all tomorrow". And she puts my documents on the shelf behind her. Any sane person would say to me, come on, what are you doing?! Who and what are you giving? But I want to believe that I will win this round. Meanwhile I am preparing myself mentally that I have already lost money.

After the tan studio I am slowly walking around the shopping center. I had been to such places before the war, nut everything seems to be so weird as if I were from the deep province. You can hear Christmas music, tempting smell of coffee in the air and there are very few people. I am looking at the sides, and it seems that I'm in a fairy tale. Jewelry department, leather goods, pet products, mobile phones, cosmetics, gifts department where I go to. I want to see everything and breathe the smell of a holiday and good life. The shop assistant intently watches me, though I, in my opinion, look okay.

Aprons appeal to me. Lovely aprons with funny pattern for women, one costs one thousand rubles. The salary of the doctor is 5000 rubles, so an apron is the fifth part of the salary. Although a very nice thing, like everything in this department. I must say that I do not go anywhere right now. The products I buy on the market from the same people, so I see everything as a horse in blinkers: the price of beef, butter and margarine. And then the prewar paradise. I breathe, breathe, breathe this wonderful scent, and don not hurry to go out in the rain. But even in all this charm, I notice that only one out of the 10 cashiers at the supermarket works and there is no queue to it...

The elderly are walking around the shopping center. Old people at the bus stops and in the transport...

They are so old that I am afraid that this is their last journey. Where and why do they get out? The old woman asks about her stop every few minutes, and complains of pain in her legs. Manic pulls everybody because she is afraid to miss her stop. She’s got a self-made stick in her hands. It seems I don’t fit to this bus, it’s wrong, not my bus.

On the market a familiar seller is repairing my flashlight. He is repairing slowly, and I am getting cold in sodden boots. Last summer the most popular goods were flashlights, radios and batteries, the price on which rose sharply. My friend is repairing my flashlight and says: "I have brought Russian products, people don’t buy much as they have no money. What can I say, I was much better to live in Ukraine, I had more income, and what’s now? If you leave the market, what then? Now we need to earn 20 thousand rubles, just to have a normal life. If there is Ukraine, I do not mind. Although I heard about atrocities of the Ukrainian army, I'm afraid if they enter into the city. I personally lived much better when here was Ukraine. "It was also better for me. It was better for my family, there is no point of talking about that.

A friend told me how last month tommy-gunners "privatized" his place of work - a fitness club "Sport Life". I asked once more to see if it was really a month ago? "Yes, yes, - laughs my friends - people with guns came and took everything, and there is equipment for a million dollars". We wondered why? My friend says that it is Ukrainian network, but to re-register the owners did the smart thing and recorded owner of a Muscovite, but the club is still "pressed". My friend is now without a job. Waiting isolation situation.

And I'll wait for the New Year. These expectations, at least, cannot be deceived.

Yana Viktorova, Luhansk, especially for OstroV